A dog is for life; unless it isn’t…

RufusSmile Rufus!Rufus7 Rufus6

This is Rufus and he’s our miniature schnauzer; he has saved my life many times over and I cannot even begin to explain how much I love him. If he is unwell, I will look after him and reassure him and when we had to sleep in the living room as he’d been sick on my bed in the early hours, I slept on the floor and he slept on the sofa. If he needs to go to the toilet, we will go out for a walk, regardless of the time or the weather. If he wants to play, we’ll play and when one of his favourite toys broke, I replaced it several times over. When he wants to snuggle, we snuggle. I want to just add in here that he doesn’t have total control, nor is he spoilt; he knows right from wrong and whilst he can sometimes choose to know right from wrong but ignore right from wrong, his behaviour is corrected! I’m not the worlds best dog owner and Rufus isn’t the worlds best behaved dog; but I do the best I can, as does he and he is loved – he seems pretty happy with that.

On twitter this afternoon I came across a link to a daily fail article, usually I’d have ignored it like a spam email, but it caught my eye as it had been linked to the Dogs Trust and the RSPCA. The article I am referring to can be found here. If you suffer from high blood pressure and are an animal lover, I’d approach with caution!

Shona Sibary, who writes for the daily fail, has spent the last 4 years taking dogs into her home and then getting rid of them. We all know that the Dogs Trust believes that ‘A dog is for life’ and I think the majority of animal lovers would agree with that, or at least I would hope they do! It would seem that Shona sits in the minority, unfortunately.

In February 2011, Shona took in Juno from a dogs home in London but in April 2012 she’d ‘had enough’ and after ‘much soul searching’, she made the ‘heart breaking’ decision to rehome her and placed an advert online for a new owner. When her 3 year old daughter sobbed and clung to her asking, ‘why can’t we keep her mummy? She wants to stay with us, I know she does.’ Shona said that she almost changed her mind, but that when they drove away, Juno looking back at them, she ‘felt nothing but relief’. She picked her ‘hysterical daughter’ off the gravel and told her that they’d look at pictures of puppies, having admitted that she’d already had her ‘eye on another puppy.’

In September 2011, Shona found Albus, an 8 week old pup that was advertised as a pure Rhodesian ridgeback. She states that he was from a council estate and she was slightly suspicious as the ‘tattooed owners’ wanted £350 for him, when the usual cost is £700 – £900. She drove along the M25 with the pup ‘attacking the gear stick’ and wondered if she’d made the right decision. I have to ask why a puppy of that age was loose in the car? A pup that doesn’t know you, with no one else in the car? I’m guessing that no one else was in the car, because surely they’d have stopped him from ‘attacking the gear stick.’ It’s a risk I wouldn’t be willing to take. Shona writes about an experience in which Albus ‘took instant and aggressive action’ towards a neighbours westie. ‘The westie just about survived, after I’d forked out hundreds of pounds to pay his veterinary bill.’

When Juno was rehomed, she said, ‘I knew Albus had to go too – but not until I’d found myself another puppy’, which is when she came across Pippa. Pippa, a little sausage dog, had come from Lithuania and her owner had said that she ‘couldn’t cope with the dog.’ ‘Obviously, once I had Pippa, I had to get rid of Albus as quickly as possible, not least because he might actually eat my adorable new charge.’ I find this woman’s attitude really difficult to comprehend because to me, it is just wrong. However, not only does she seem to be totally irresponsible as an owner, uncaring, immature and keen to cause her animals great distress, it would appear that she is also not concerned about other people either. As she ‘quickly found him a new home’ which included 5 children and 2 cats, they were ‘overjoyed to be getting a free dog’ and ‘didn’t anticipate any problems’ , Shona was ‘so relieved to be rid of him’ that she thought ‘Who am I to disabuse them?’ I wonder if she told that family the reasons why she was getting rid of him, including the incident with the other dog?

Pippa, the sausage dog, then became a problem, so in July 2013 they got an 8 week old Labrador x collie named Cookie. However, Cookie didn’t stop the problems with Pippa, it just made them worse as they ‘would disappear for hours, rampaging across fields and worrying local sheep.’ After killing a breeding ram, a farmer threatened to shoot them and Shona adds, ‘Frankly, I was tempted to hand him the gun.’ A year ago Pippa, who was then 3 years old, was rehomed. She thought that getting a puppy might help Cookie, even though that clearly hadn’t worked out with Juno, Albus, Pippa or Cookie; but hey, why learn a lesson when you can carry on screwing up? So, along came Clover and 3 months ago Cookie went to a different home… How long will it be before Clover is ditched too?

She, somewhat proudly, states that ‘While they’re with me, they have a perfect life. I trawl pet shops choosing comfy baskets and colourful collars. I have debates with my children lasting days over what name we should give the new addition to the family.’ Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad the dogs had comfy beds and colourful collars but those things are so far from a ‘perfect life’ for a dog, and I find it very sad that she believes they are. She thinks that she may have a ‘condition’, ‘maybe I’m like this because I was never allowed a puppy as a child’… So, instead, she’s decided that her children will grow up with various puppies, but will then have to go through multiple rounds of processing the grief of losing their dog? What is that teaching them? That you can have something but give it up when you’re bored? Not to stick with things? Not to think about your decisions because you can just change your mind? Not to ever commit to anything and to avoid responsibility? She goes on to say, ‘I admit there must be something mentally wrong with me. Why else would I keep buying dogs only to wave goodbye to them a year or so later?’ Well, because you’re a douche? Behaving in a stupid manner, or doing something idiotic doesn’t equate to having something ‘mentally’ wrong. I am SO fed up with mental ill health being chucked around and tossed into categories that it just does not belong in. This isn’t a mental illness, there isn’t anything mentally wrong, she is just one of those humans who shouldn’t be allowed to own a dog. Unless ‘mentally’ in this context is a synonym for stupid, disrespectful, irresponsible and unthoughtful? She talks about Juno scaling the fence and escaping, Albus showing aggression towards other dogs, Pippa and Cookie disappearing for hours, killing pheasants, ducks, doves, a breeding ram, sheep and a heavily pregnant sheep that was carrying 2 lambs; what measures were put in place to prevent these things? She chicken wired the fence, but what about putting in a taller fence? What about a fence with a top that has a slight tilt or overhang? If Albus was showing aggression towards dogs, was he wearing a lead and harness? Was he muzzled when he was around other dogs? Why did they go near the westie if the risk was there? Pippa and Cookie kept escaping, again, changes to the fencing or garden area? I’d be interested to know what steps, if any, were taken before the decision to get rid came along, maybe it was a case of get rid and not bother to try to change things? I mean, that’s easier, right?

She finishes her piece with, ‘What’s worse is that I dread to think of the kind of message all this has sent out to my long- suffering children. Just the other day, Dolly said to me: ‘If I’m naughty, Mummy, will you re-home me, too?’ This is so, so horrifically sad. If I am lucky enough to be blessed with a child, if I heard those words as a direct result of my attitude and actions, it would break my heart. I am not doubting she loves her children, I don’t know enough about her to make any assumptions, and I wouldn’t anyway, but I really hope that Clover stays with them until she crosses to rainbow bridge. I hope they don’t get another puppy, I hope Clover is loved and wanted, I hope that Shona is able to see that she cannot continue to treat animals like a throw away item that can be upgraded or replaced when it’s going wrong, or it’s gotten boring. When we welcome a dog into our lives, we accept responsibility for that animal; to provide the food, care, love, shelter, security, medical treatment and all the other little things that are needed. If you can’t commit to a dog for life, I’d suggest you get a soft cuddly toy, because it’s unfair to screw a dog over because you’re a selfish human.

 

HOWEVER..!!

I then came across an article written by Shona for the daily fail back in January 2012 which is very different to the article that is written above, but includes some of the same images… Odd, right? This article is about rescue centres and the attitude of the staff.

In this article Shone states that she ‘found a rescue centre in the South of England, advertising 6 Rhodesian ridgeback x boxer puppies’ and ‘they were 12 weeks old – young enough to adapt to our family and still impressionable enough to train and fit into our way of life.’ When she called the rescue she was told that due to there being children under 8 in the household, they wouldn’t rehome a puppy with them as per their policy. ‘I called back the next day pretending to be someone else with 3 children over the age of 8. And no toddler.’ She then goes on to discuss the process that followed, visiting the rescue to build a bond with the dog, whom they named Albus; ‘several expensive train journeys for all of us, and of course, on each occasion, I had to find childcare for the toddler who didn’t exist.’ During a visit to Albus, they ‘fell in love with another stray in the rescue centre’ a husky pointer cross named Juno. ‘At the age of 1, she was still deemed to be a ‘puppy’ and we were still ‘officially not allowed to have her – but having lied once, we were on a roll so we decided to take both dogs.’ She writes about a home visit which she had to remove ‘all evidence of the toddler from the house’ and that during the ‘lengthy process’ the dogs home had requested letters from the landlord and veterinarian and ‘they even insisted that we pay for a whole term of puppy training classes – and show them the receipt – before they would consider releasing Juno and Albus to us.’

A line which struck me as quite funny was, ‘Their stance throughout the entire process was one of distrust.’ Ironic? She writes, ‘In fact, I can’t imagine our lives without them, which is a shame, because they still don’t legally belong to us’ and goes on to say, ‘if the rescue centre finds out we have broken any terms of our contract (ie that we have a two-year-old), they have the right, with police force, to remove Juno and Albus from our care.’ Most rehoming centres will have some form of a contract that is signed when a dog is adopted, the information within that contract will differ between rescues, but those rules are in place for a reason. Shona writes, ‘If for any reason we are unable to continue to look after the dogs, we are not allowed to give them away to family or friends — they have to go back to the rescue centre,’ and ‘Juno and Albus are micro-chipped back to the dogs’ home, so if they do ever find a gap in a fence and decide to run off, the dogs’ home will always know.’ Now, I’m sure there are positive and negative points for both of those rules and I can see both the pros and the cons, but when you’re dealing with such a mixture of people I’m guessing you have to have the basics set as a foundation to build upon. She’s rather indignant at the fact that she was required to go through this process, and then that they ‘still needed to pay £120 per dog for the grilling we’d been subjected to,’ but that ‘Albus and Juno couldn’t be more loved.’

Let’s just compare the stories for a moment…

January 2012 – Juno was one when they adopted her from a dogs home in London – seen whilst visiting Albus at the same place and so decided to adopt both. (June.)

August 2015 – Juno was 12 weeks old and came from a dogs home in London. (Feb 2011.)

January 2012 – Albus was 12 weeks old, a Rhodesian x boxer who they adopted along with Juno from a dogs home in London. They saw Albus first, but the two went home at the same time. (June.)

August 2015 – Albus was 8 weeks old, advertised as a pure Rhodesian ridgeback for £350 from a tattooed couple on a council estate in London.

January 2012 – Every family member had to visit the dogs home and bond with the Juno and Albus. Many different phases and rules that needed to be completed and kept to for them to have the dogs.

August 2015 – Juno was from a dogs home in February 2011 and Albus was from a council estate. She drove to get him, was suspicious, but took him anyway and drove home.

So, we have Juno who was 12 weeks old and a year old. Albus who was 8 weeks old and 12 weeks old. Juno who came along in February 2011 and in June. Albus who came along in September 2011 and June. Juno who came from a dogs home on his own and Juno who was adopted with Albus. Albus who came from a council estate and Albus who came from the same dogs home as Juno at the same time. Not forgetting that Juno came first and 7 months later Albus joined them in the hope that it’d prevent Juno from straying and also the story of adopting Albus and seeing Juno during a visit and adopting both at the same time, from the same dogs home. Albus who is a Rhodesian x boxer but was also advertised as a pure Rhodesian ridgeback and she had doubts about that. She talks of how loved the dogs are and how she can’t imagine life without them in January of 2012 and yet by April 2012 she’d had enough of them. She speaks of paying for their vaccinations and microchips, but if they were rescued isn’t that usually included in the adoption fee? When she wrote her article in January 2012 was everything fine? Did they do that much in 4 months that she got rid of them? If they were homed from a dogs home then she shouldn’t have advertised them online, the article from January 2012 is, in part, about her annoyance over the rules given by the dogs home. Rules that included rehoming..? When asked, in 2015, where her dogs are she states that she is ‘ashamed to say I have no idea.’

She moaned about the way the dogs home conducted themselves, but the reason they have to be rigorous is because of these type of situations. What is real and what is made up? Is Shona a wannabe Katie Hopkins? Is she trying to cause upset and stir up trouble? Will she say anything to get the publicity? If you want an article to be read then you have to be slightly controversial, right? Yes, to some degree, but this isn’t controversial because it’s not true, at least, a lot of it isn’t true! These are two totally contradicting articles, written by the same woman, with inconsistencies that cannot just be explained away with a simple – I forgot about that bit! Either you got both dogs at the same time, or you got them separately. It was either a dogs home or a tattooed couple. It was either £120 per dog, or £350 for Albus. None of it makes sense. Oh, also add in here that the ages she gives for when the dogs were gotten and when they were given away don’t add up either, nor do the periods of time which she states they have been with her and nor do the amounts of money she has given with one article stating it was £120 per dog and another stating that she’d spent over £1000 on the dogs over the last 4 years. (Yes, one may have been more expensive, but it still doesn’t make sense as Albus cost £150 AND £350 in each article.)

If you are someone who has a dog and thinks ‘I’ll probably get rid of her too’ when looking at the future, or planning to rehome your dog whilst planning the new puppy coming home; just don’t. A dog is an animal and whilst many people throw the ‘it’s just an animal’ line out there, they are so much more than ‘just’ an animal. They deserve to be treated with love, care, kindness and loyalty, because that’s what they give us, along with so much more. If you can’t give a dog that, then you don’t deserve to have one as a part of your life, period. Humans seem to think they have the right to do whatever they want and I think that’s one of the main things that the world is in such a state; newsflash, they don’t!

 

10 canine commandments    Dog never

Dogeyes    DogLove

Dogsdospeak    Animals are for

Dogswhole    DogWholelife

 

live like unless

 

A dog is for life; unless it isn’t…

What Helps – Support for Eating Disorders

This is an interesting piece of research that requires lots of people to be involved, so as to ensure the results are relevant to as many people as possible. If you have recovered from an eating disorder, or you currently struggle with an eating disorder then please take a few moments to fill this out. If you know someone with an eating disorder then please pass this on to them so that they can put their thoughts down. It’s all anon and no identifying personal information is required.

What helps - Support for Eating Disorders

What this project aims to do is find out what people living with eating disorders find helpful in terms of treatment and support from health services, therapy, family and friends.

The research on eating disorder support tends to be based on clinical measurements, external, and often visible and easily measurable symptoms, and not on how people themselves feel about the support they have received and the impact it has had on their lives. This project aims to focus exclusively on the experience of those living with, recovering from and recovered from eating disorders, specifically on how they experienced treatment and support and what they found to be most helpful.

To gather these experiences, a survey has been created and can be found here. It is open to anyone who has something to say about the support and treatment they have experienced relating to their eating disorder. Not all questions…

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What Helps – Support for Eating Disorders

‘They have to be ready to change..’

‘They have to want to change, they have to be ready to change, no one can make someone recover, we can’t save everyone, it has to come from them and if they aren’t willing to cooperate then we cannot help them.’

Noncompliant. Difficult. Chronic. Treatment resistant. Non cooperative. Unwilling.

If someone wants something then they reach for it don’t they? If someone wants something then they make decisions which are reflected in their choices, right? Well, yes. Yes, in many different areas of life that is what happens but with anorexia that isn’t how it works; I wish it were!!

Whilst treatment providers wait for people to ‘choose’ recovery, be ‘motivated’ to make changes, ‘comply’ with treatment and ‘cooperate’ with a programme, those people become more and more unwell. Of course this means that the illness has more time to infiltrate a mind, destroy a body and suck all hope from a soul. It also, of course, means that people need a much higher and more intensive level of care and support. This in turn not only causes a greater deal of pain and torment for all involved, but it also costs a whole lot more money. It’s been widely reported that the NHS doesn’t have the money it needs to provide what it needs to provide and yet, really, money is being wasted by losing the opportunity for early intervention. Early intervention can make the difference between someone recovering with a low risk of relapse or spending years being treated with a very bleak outlook as a ‘chronic’ sufferer.

Anorexia isn’t a choice and whilst many people believe that not eating is a decision that is made by the person, it really doesn’t work like that. It isn’t that I decide not to eat, it isn’t that I’m not hungry, it isn’t that I don’t need food or want it; it’s that I can’t. Imagine being locked inside of your body, the things you think are muddled beyond any kind of possible comprehension. When the things you feel and the stuff you want to say is blocked up and stuck, you open your mouth to say something but the words spoken aren’t the words you’d needed to speak.

‘Would you like some dinner, pasta or rice..?’ Such a simple question and yet the thought process that follows that question is like some impossible math equation that involves brackets, letters and weird shapes that you’ve never seen before and have absolutely no idea what they mean!! When anorexia is loud and I cannot make sense of things that question may as well be ‘Would you like x4+bx3+cx2+dx+e and (x-a)(x-b)(x-g)(x-d) or {-D±Ö(D2+4C3/27)}/2 perhaps 8pqr x+(p2+q2+r2)2..?’ Add in the deafening noise from your own thoughts rushing around your mind, bumping into one another causing more thoughts to form, causing more rushing, causing more confusion, causing more equations usually ending in one of the following;

A) This shall all be happening internally and because I won’t feel comfortable enough to ask for help, I won’t feel I deserve to ask for help, I will feel I am a burden, I feel I could be judged or trying to explain is likely to cause more anxiety; I shall politely decline and add that I am not hungry at the moment.

B) This shall all be happening internally but it will show outwardly in the form of anxiety, such as shaking, jiggling, pacing or increased respiratory rate. I won’t want to be a burden, let anyone down, cause disappointment or questions, so I’ll try to join in a little, try to blend in, try to appear ‘normal’ but the internal torture will be continuing, growing and expanding, louder and louder until I can no longer hear you talking to me. I see your mouth moving and I try to keep up but I hear nothing over the sound of my own thoughts…

C) This shall all be happening internally and I’ll have lost all hope of keeping thing under wraps because due to the fact that I’m screaming, crying hysterically, hurling nasty comments at anyone that comes near and ready to pull my own skin off; it’s pretty external too! This, of course is embarrassing to say the least and it doesn’t encourage you to be in a situation that could involve food, or fluid, or snacks, or humans, or…

I am going to separate ‘Becky’ and ‘Anorexia’ for a moment, I’m sure it’ll sound a little weird, but it’s the only way that I can explain it. Becky would love to be recovered, obviously anorexia is against that. Becky would like to eat that dinner, anorexia doesn’t agree. Becky would like to be physically healthy, anorexia would prefer illness and incapacity. Becky would like to do awesome things with her sister, anorexia wants to isolate. Becky would like to break free from anorexia and so anorexia does all it can to keep a tight grip; a large part of that is portraying the person as something different to what they really are, who they really are. So you see, the words I speak are not always the words that I wish I could speak, the way I am is not always the way I truly feel, if I seem distant or aloof it is, more often than not, that the noise in my head is so painfully loud and disorientating that I cannot follow a conversation. Do I choose any of these? No. Can I snap my fingers and eradicate these? No. Do I wish I could? Yes!

Recovery does include choice, decisions and taking responsibility for your wellbeing, but that has to come with time; by setting someone up with all the responsibility of making ‘good’ choices, doing food prep, refeeding themselves, distractions from scary thoughts and self-managing other behaviours, the likelihood of a positive outcome isn’t great. The possibility of relapse, entrenchment, chronicity, physical damage, psychological risks and death are scarily much more likely. Treatment has changed over the years and there are some amazing research studies out there that have completely altered the way that the world views eating disorders and the treatment that gives the best outcome; unfortunately that up to date information and treatment has yet to become the ‘normal’ practice. Those that manage to get early intervention, those that are treated intensively from the word go, those whose parents are included in treatment and empowered all have much more favourable outcomes, over those that are treated by out dated, non-evidence based treatment. Some parents have taken to using a ‘Life Stops Until You Eat’ approach; I think some people would probably deem this to be over controlling and impractical… I’d say they are amazing people that have found up to date information and regardless of whether the services in their area are up to date or out of date, they are doing what they need to do in order to save their child. My parents were told by the Doctor that they were worrying, that I was fine, that it’s just a phase that most girls go through, not to make a big deal out of it as it’d pass and if they did involve themselves they’d make things worse. That Doctor was wrong, that Doctor failed my parents massively because he made them feel stuck; what they knew was right for their daughter wasn’t the same as what the Dr had said and I really hate the fact that he added in that little bit suggesting that the blame would be on them. WRONG. Everything that he said was wrong. I wish the information available now had been available then because possibly, really possibly, life could have been very different for all of us and anorexia wouldn’t have taken as much as it has.

So, you see, leaving someone alone until they are ‘ready’ is only ever going to cause harm because the more unwell someone becomes, the less likely they are to have the cognitive function needed to make those decisions. If it were as simple as being ready to make changes and deciding to do things differently then we wouldn’t see so many losing their lives, we wouldn’t see the level of chronicity, we wouldn’t have eating disorder units or people being tubed on medical wards; there’s no fun in any of this. If it were as simple as a choice I’d have made that choice a long, long time ago. Always remember; separate the eating disorder from the person, they are not the same and not everything is as it seems when it comes to what is said and what is meant… Locked inside a cage, screaming but screaming silently, I’d yell all sorts but really I was begging, begging for someone to step in and take over the fight, argue with anorexia and provide a wall that meant I had no option; if I had no option anorexia was still loud, but the thoughts aren’t the same because there are no loop holes, no escapes, no ways around it… Sometimes that’s what it takes, sometimes that’s what is needed… Sometimes that’s what I need.

‘They have to be ready to change..’  – No, no they really don’t but they do need someone, be that family, friends, a treatment team etc. who are willing to safely and consistently enforce the steps that need to be taken are taken, until the person is ABLE to make changes. Whilst the brain is malnourished cognitive function is massively impaired, the brain is poorly and that person may desperately want to make the changes, it is the illness that can make that impossible. They aren’t being awkward or difficult, it’s not a case of choosing to disengage or ignore advice; things can take time, recovery isn’t easy and sometimes we need someone to step in and take the reins for a bit.

Above all else, if we’ve been labelled as chronic, treatment resistant or noncompliant… Please don’t write us off as ‘never going to recover’, please don’t give up hope that we can get better because when we have no hope we so desperately need others to hold hope for us… Please don’t give up on us; I know it’s frustrating, I know it can be like groundhog day but please, please don’t ever give up on us because we are still in there somewhere locked inside, blocked and silenced by anorexia

‘They have to be ready to change..’